When Kids Make Different Choices

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. Isaiah 30:15

Planned or unplanned, written or not, we all have goals for our kids. Why do parents do that? Why do we make plans for our kids? We obviously want to educate them, otherwise we wouldn’t be homeschooling. We love them and want what’s best for them. We want to give them a good start on healthy adult living. We may want to live vicariously through them. Maybe there are experiences we had or didn’t have that we want them to have or avoid. Or we just like controlling things and others.

Obviously, some of these reasons are healthy, but some are not.

Parents, we need to remember that God has a plan for everyone—He won’t necessarily clue you in on the plan for your children.

When our children are small, they need our constant guidance, boundaries, and decision-making abilities because they are not capable of self-governance. As they grow in age and maturity under our care, those boundaries change. Our children grow in responsibility, and their interests change. This is all normal and part of becoming an adult.

But what do you do when your growing, slightly more mature child starts making choices that you don’t necessarily agree with? When they make plans that are outside the scope of your road map for them?

Take note—we’re referring to those choices that are not sinful or breaking your family rules and need correction. These types of choices are about interests, preferences. Like college vs. trade school, soccer vs. football, singing vs. acting, being busy vs. taking a break. It is important for us to encourage our children to grow skills, volunteer, and work hard at their studies. But can we give our older kids space to make their own choices?

How do we let them make choices that aren’t in our plans for them? First and foremost, we need to love them through all the good and bad choices. Release them to God—they are His and He loves them more than us anyway! Support and encourage your children in their interests. Ask questions. Find out what intrigues them so much about their choices. Give them opportunities to grow in these skills or interests. But mostly, parent, prepare your heart for change. We are raising adults, and adults make their own choices—and you can’t control them.

This last tip is key. Preparing ourselves for change emotionally will help greatly when those changes start happening. Change isn’t easy, especially when we’ve poured our hearts into making plans for our children!

Did you ever think your plans may be hindering what God has for your kids?

Remember—as parents we are to train up our children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6) with good character, faith in Jesus, walking with Him in every moment—then entrust their choices to them.

Also, we are not to fulfill ourselves through their lives. They have their own journey with Jesus to take. We have been fulfilled by Jesus. He is Who completes us. It’s wonderful to see our kids succeed, but their success shouldn’t be our lifeblood.

Colossians 2:9-19 states “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, Who is the head over every power and authority.” We have been given everything we need in Christ. We do not need to be fulfilled by our children, only Christ.

We can raise up and train children to be God-fearing adults without basing our value on whether or not they follow our plans for them.

Love them where they are at.

Beloved, release your plans.