CHAP Scholarship Application Essay
By Chloe Rackley, First Place Winner, Leigh A. Genasevich Scholarship
I am a graduating high schooler and a successful violinist who has studied music for fourteen years.
My ability to state something so simply came from a lifetime of complex struggles. I am limited in my academics due to a lengthy list of learning disorders and genetic abnormalities. Homeschooling has provided an excellent education, and God has redeemed both my academic and spiritual life.
I was born with a genetic disorder named Brachydactyly (pronounced, “brack-i-dack-til-ee”). This disorder has affected me in several ways. It is part of a group of skeletal dysplasias, commonly known as dwarfism. I am quite short and my hands and feet are oddly misshapen. As a small child, I wanted to play the violin, which I called a “baby cello”. Finding an instrument that fit my body was quite challenging. I wanted to progress quickly in my violin studies, but I couldn’t play as well as my peers. My teachers told me I may never be able to play advanced pieces no matter how much I practiced. I grew up in a Christian home where my parents continually reminded me that God had formed me and was weaving me into the tapestry He had designed. But understanding the Gospel and what it meant for me was a challenge.
As I began school, my parents realized that not only was I unable to hold the violin like other kids, but I was also unable to hear and learn like others. We went to several appointments, where an audiologist diagnosed me with severe Central Auditory Processing Disorder. I could hear sounds as quiet as negative twenty-decibel levels! However, my brain was unable to prioritize any one sound over another. This meant the typical classroom experience was an impossibility for me.
My doctor helped me understand that many kids with skeletal dysplasias also have comorbidities with mental deficiencies as well. I was diagnosed with short-term memory loss and ADHD. My audiologist recommended several therapies and told me that I most likely wouldn’t be able to read beyond a fourth-grade level.
My mom decided to quit her job as a third-grade teacher and homeschool me to give me the best chance possible. Beginning in kindergarten, which took me two years to finish, she pushed me to my limits. I memorized poems set to music. I learned to read by following along with classic literature while listening to audiobooks. Even though it took me years to memorize my multiplication tables, she never gave up and patiently quizzed me with flashcard after flashcard. I often felt frustrated that God made everything I wanted to do difficult.
I felt this way until ninth grade when I attended The Wilds, a Christian summer camp. The first night, I heard a sermon simply presenting the Gospel. I felt as if God were speaking directly to me, explaining the Gospel and the Christian life with incredible clarity. As I lay in my camp bunk, I felt convicted of my sin and the need for change. Though I continued to struggle with anger at the way God had designed me, I wanted God to be the King over every part of my life because He deserved my full devotion. That night I cried out to God, thanked Him for sending His Son to die for me, and asked Him to forgive me of my unbelief and discontentment. I felt overwhelming peace from the Holy Spirit. I could not stop smiling and crying tears of joy. At that moment, I said, “This is what it means to be saved.”
My new focus was to use my disabilities and my gifts as tools to showcase how big God is. While homeschooling gave me the freedom to strengthen my academic weaknesses, it also provided time for me to improve my musical strengths. Violin lessons were my “brain break” from school and I excelled quickly with my musical abilities. While I couldn’t hear or remember what people were saying, I could hear and play classical pieces from memory that I had only heard a few times. While my disorder greatly affected how I understood spoken words, my brain processed musical tones completely normally. The intense effort I spent navigating a world built on speech was the same energy I naturally applied to hearing music. In other words, the disability I had been so frustrated by had, in a sense, created my true ability! Hearing, playing, and memorizing music was my real gift, one given to me by God who made me in such a unique way.
I have used this gift to glorify God and make Him known in several ways. I am the lead violinist in my church’s worship team, volunteering several hours a week worshipping the God who created all of us in His special design. In the Philadelphia Sinfonia Orchestra, I have been able to share the Gospel with several musicians, participate in community outreach projects, and lead my fellow orchestra members who were timid in their faith to share their faith openly. Many friends who often laugh with me about my poor memory, can rejoice that God has helped me achieve a 4.0 GPA in my college dual enrollment courses. Not only have I been accepted into a prestigious music conservatory, but I have also received academic achievement awards.
I hope to grow in my musicality and my faith as I study to be a music educator. Using the connections I’ve made in the city during high school, I dream of conducting my own Christ-centered advanced youth orchestra one day in Philadelphia, to prepare musicians to be passionate about glorifying God. Where others told me I would never succeed, God has worked miracles. After seeing what He has done, I cannot help but eagerly anticipate what He will do for me as I begin the next phase of life.
