Mom Guilt on Trial

Have you seen “The Trial” video created by the Lingokids app? It’s a short video on YouTube that now has over 25 million views all about screen time guilt. (If you haven’t seen it, here is a link.) It depicts a courtroom setting with a very strict-looking judge. Eleven unsuspecting parents are put on trial for their parenting skills, specifically their screen time regulations for their kids. In each case, the parents plead guilty. Their children are then brought in, and the judge asks the children how they feel their parents are doing. Of course, the children speak of their love and appreciation for their parents. In the end, the judge finds each set of parents guilty for putting too much pressure on themselves and tells them to just stop. In the concluding moments, the judge says “They don’t need perfect parents. They need you.”

I’ve been stewing on this video for weeks now, contemplating the way that it has reverberated across the internet in reactions from influencers to conversation threads in mom groups on Facebook. Parents are feeling seen and heard and given permission to not feel guilty over their parenting choices. But I’m thinking that maybe I do have something worth being guilty about and it’s much more significant than screen-time policies.

I am guilty of being a bad example of holiness to my kids.

I am guilty of pretending to be in control and ignoring God’s sovereignty.

I am guilty of trusting my own insight rather than asking God for His.

I am guilty of demanding my standards and refusing to show grace.

I am guilty of failing to love God and love my family well.

I am guilty of cosmic treason in the highest order.

I find it interesting that these parents were so quick to say that they were guilty of bad parenting. And I find it so sad that the answer to the problem of guilt was just to stop. (You would fail a counseling class if you told a counselee to just stop being guilty and yet the remedy that a judge provided to the burden of wrong was just to stop feeling that way.)  What these people are really saying is that they fail as parents, and they are absolutely right! So rather than attack screen time woes, I would like to consider the Lord’s response to our guilty estate as parents.

1. We are correct in our feelings of guilt. It’s not that we had a bad day or slept poorly or are just annoyed. It’s not that we’re hungry, or that it’s that time of the month, or even that the kids are disobedient. You and I are sinful and miserable to our very core. We don’t just do bad things or fail to do good things; by nature, we are guilty of the worst of the worst. By default, we are selfish, arrogant, idolatrous parents who seek our offspring to be little worshippers of us. We fail God and, by extension, our kids every single day.
2. Jesus died for guilty parents. The pain of Calvary was for our salvation; thanks be to God. But it was not just for that first act of justification. Jesus endured the death of a cross for our explosions of anger when the room is a mess, for our impatience when little shoes cannot be found, for our disappointment when they throw away dinner. Our Savior willingly endured the shame of the cross for the guilt of our sin against God and our sin against our children.
3. Repentance is a lifestyle, not an act. We need to repent daily to God and we also need to practice repentance to our children. For our raised voice and our quiet frustration, we must practice humble, genuine apologizing to our Lord and our kids. There is not a day that goes by that we are perfect parents. Repentance asks the Lord to grow us into His image and asks our children to practice the forgiveness and grace they too have received.
4. Jesus arose to extend forgiveness. The death that Jesus died was once and for all. That means that we cannot pretend to add to His sacrifice by holding on to the guilt of our parental sins: past, present, or future. It seems that parents understand we are guilty, but we must embrace the forgiveness that has been purchased on our behalf as well. “God forgives me, but I can’t forgive myself” or “God forgives me, but I just have to do better next time” kind of thinking implies that we can add to what Jesus has already done. His grace has been given; there is no longer a reason to be guilty.

Let’s take a look at another trial put before us in Zechariah 3. Joshua the High Priest is put on trial before a holy God and is found guilty, yet the angel of the Lord offers forgiveness and a fresh start. Joshua is then charged to walk in obedience to the Lord. At no point did the angel say to just stop feeling guilty but rather provided a solution to the rightful guilt: forgiveness and a fresh start.

If I were to write down all the ways that I have failed my family just today, it’d be as long as my to-do list. And, like the pile of dirty laundry, as soon as I think I’ve confessed it all, something else is added to the pile and I must begin again. Yet, in His mercy, Jesus continually offers forgiveness and a fresh start. So the next time you feel the parent guilt creeping in, take an honest look at yourself, repent truly, and take a breath knowing that you have indeed been forgiven.