Stuck Homeschooling

Secretly, I don’t like homeschooling at the moment (not as in this exact minute “this moment”, but as in this time in my life “this moment”). I’m not sure if it’s this particular season of life, the cabin fever of winter, how long I’ve been homeschooling, the age of my kids, something hormonal, or perhaps a combined variety of factors. Whatever the reasons, homeschooling is just not enjoyable right now. It is a laborious challenge I face day in and day out. It’s hard, it’s exhausting, and it feels fruitless more often than not.

Don’t get me wrong; my kids aren’t perfect and of course we all have off days. But, by and large, they are making good effort and doing well in school. My husband and I are good. My own extra-curricular endeavors are fulfilling. But, generally speaking, homeschooling is perhaps the most unappealing task I face right now. I feel like an awful mother and teacher even putting that into writing, but the truth is that, most days, I’d rather be doing just about anything else.

I love my kids. I know I’m doing the best I can for them academically. Given the circumstances of our lives, this is what is best for my kids as people. But I still don’t want to. I feel properly stuck in a situation I don’t want to be in with little people who generally don’t appreciate what they have. And there is no near end in sight.

Recently, I have endeavored to adopt a practice of mapping my current situation onto a Biblical narrative. I try to distill my situation and feelings into a more generic idea, and then I ask the Lord to bring to mind a comparable situation from Scripture. I ask that He use a story of His faithfulness in the past to bring encouragement to my present, and I ask for hope when I feel utterly lost. Often, I am amazed at how He uses whatever Bible reading plan I’m on to highlight His grace to me at precisely the right moment. This time, it is the story of Noah.

Think with me for a minute about Noah and his family. They had never seen rain, and yet God tells them they need protection. God says that He will care for Noah and his family as he follows the very clear instructions that had been delivered. So, perhaps feeling like a total crazy person, Noah spends nearly 75 years on a project that appears totally unnecessary. The rest of the world seems to be doing just fine ignoring God’s plan and instruction. Day in and day out, Noah is “wasting” his life on the idea that this is the best use of his time. And yet “Noah did everything just as God commanded him.” (Gen. 6:22)

Finally, Noah hears God’s voice to move his family and a bunch of pets he didn’t ask for into this project right as it starts to rain. Yes! I can imagine the fist bump into the air as he realized that he was right to obey. He was right to follow God’s instructions. His life was not wasted.

I’m sure those first few days on the ark were terrifying, exciting and nauseating. By the second week, maybe they were falling into the groove of a routine. They were figuring out who did what well and how to make the most of their time together. By day 39, when it’s still raining, they were probably over it. The smell, the rocking, the proximity to family; it was time to be done, but this was the only option. So, they stayed put. On day 41, it was eerily quiet. No more rain, no more lightning, no more screams. Finally, the only sounds came from within the ark. But they still weren’t done; this was not the end of their time together. For ANOTHER 150 days (that’s right, almost an entire school year), the water continued to cover the earth. (Gen 7:24).

This is how I feel right now. I’ve been doing my part. I’ve been obedient to do what God has asked me to do. I’ve done the hard work of finding curriculum. I’ve planned well; we are in a good routine. But here we are, day 128 of school, and I’m still doing it. I’m tired. My house smells weird. We are almost out of food. And the waters of chaos in the community are still surrounding us. It’s generally peaceful, and we have found our groove this year, but we are still in the ark.

Here is where I found my encouragement this week: Genesis 8:1 “God remembered Noah.”

It’s not that God had forgotten about him, or that, like the noodles boiling over on the stove, God had to rush to change things He’d neglected. No, I think this is much more a message of endearment. God took special notice of Noah’s emotional, mental, and physical state and moved to action. Noah was on His mind because God loved Noah. Noah’s situation was divinely ordained, and God was continuing to be faithful to him, even when it seemed loud and quiet, overstimulating and under-stimulating, thankful and exhausted all at the same time.

However, God’s faithful remembrance did not change the situation right away. Genesis 8:6 tells us that it was another 40 days before anything else happened. 40 days of the smell. 40 days of exhaustion. 40 days of the noise. 40 days of waiting. And then, a glimmer of hope in sending a dove, but then more waiting. Even as God’s plan was in motion, Noah was still stuck on the boat.

In total, it is estimated that Noah spent 370 days on the ark before his feet hit dry land again. That was a lot of time to question his sanity and God’s faithfulness. That was many nights staring into the darkness wondering if he’d done the right thing, and many nights where the exhaustion put him to sleep before he could even get comfortable. That was a long time of…waiting.

At the end of that long year stuck in a boat, when he finally returned to land, the work would begin again. Noah was commanded to literally refill the earth. But even in that mammoth task, God now moved even closer to Noah. Genesis 9:1 says that “God blessed Noah and his sons.”

I don’t know about you, but that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I do what I do. I want God to bless me and my children. That’s the prize and goal. So yes, I’m willing to feel stuck and exhausted and frustrated in my ark because I know that God’s promise is to bless me in my faithfulness. But while I wait for such a day where the sun is shining and the boat of chaos stops moving, I can hold on knowing that God is at work behind the scenes, that He is with me in this stinky mess, and that He has remembered me. His actions, though often unseen, are with me in mind, and His plan is the prospering of my family.