Before and After
By Sarah Hamilton, First Place Winner, Leigh A. Genasevich Scholarship
My dad stomps into my room announcing that it’s morning, and I groan myself out of bed. It’s co-op day, so my mom and I drive out to the weekly Somerset Christian Home Educators meeting. I attend two classes in the morning: practical physics and The Fallacy Detective. After lunch and some romping on the playground outside, we take a field trip to the Somerset County 911 call center. I hadn’t thought much about this job before, but now I know all kinds of exciting things about it. Every week we go to new places like a chemical treatment facility, the Daily American newspaper, and Somerset Trust bank. When we get home, I squeeze in some math before telling Dad about the field trip at dinner. But my mind is on writing my fantasy book later. Sometimes I think I’ll be an author when I grow up, but my career aspirations change as quickly as the weather.
This is my life: homeschooling at rural Pennsylvania’s finest. Highlights of my year include attending the CHAP Convention, going to Lake Shawnee in the summer, finding neat museums to explore, and devouring the next book. I love learning in every environment! History is a must, literature is the best subject, writing comes naturally, and science is amazing as long as it doesn’t include bugs. Church is a little stifling for me, since I know the answer to every question before the teacher asks it and have heard all the stories a hundred times. I never think about there being more to Christianity than memorizing Bible verses, knowing the answers to every question, and going to church every Sunday. Eventually my hollow Christianity is no longer enough for me and I realize I don’t want to be a Christian.
All that was before.
In July 2019, everything dramatically changed.
Now my dad has cancer. Nights at Grandma’s and days at the hospital relegate schedules to an afterthought. Co-op is no longer feasible and some days it’s all I can do to hold my dad’s hand and remind him of good times, like when we went sledding at Stackhouse Park. But since I don’t attend public school, I am able to be there every time he is in surgery or at the hospital. My schoolwork goes with me wherever I need to be. I am able to take some days off and make up for them later in the year because homeschooling affords that flexibility.
And now, he’s gone. Four months of fighting the fight, and he has finished the race. Now I am left alone, trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. I wonder how religion can possibly afford any relief from the pain I feel. I finally realize that it won’t. Only my brand-new relationship with my Father in heaven can get me through the days.
Without a dad to pull the covers off in the morning, Classical QED will have to do. In one quick motion, I slide out of bed and punch the alarm button to stop Tchaikovsky’s Fifth Symphony mid-note. Four long years have passed since the season that redefined my life. Now, I am a living example of another version of homeschooling. As I scarf down some granola, I skim the new discussion board posts in my online dual enrollment course with Regent University. Now I turn to Logic and craft formal proofs for arguments. After a long talk with my mom about a passage in My Utmost for His Highest, I check my email and notice one from Regent! They’ve received my college application; now all I have to do is wait and see if I’m accepted. Before my father died, I had no idea what my life’s passion was. But now, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that storytelling is what I was born to do. I have been writing books for six years, and though I intend to continue writing, my true passion is filmmaking. Excited butterflies take up residence in my stomach as I think about learning to write and direct movies at Regent. Reminding myself that it takes lots of money to attend college, I practice my speech for the American Legion oratorical contest. I remember how nice it is that I can use scholarship opportunities to fulfill high school requirements like public speaking. After some feedback on the speech from my mom, I sit down to practice piano for youth tonight. I love worshiping my Creator! I think back on my spiritual journey and smile, remembering how different my faith is after than it was before. Now, I still know the answer to lots of questions, remember every Bible story, and go to church every Sunday. But I also have what was missing long ago: a relationship with God as my Father, Defender, Inspirer, Shepherd, and Best Friend. He is the reason I have an indescribable passion for making movies. He is the one who led my parents to homeschool. He is the one who kept me thriving after my father’s death.
It’s been a good day. I’ve reflected on a lot, had a good talk with my mom, and got all my work done for the week a day early! We decided that if I finished my regular school on Thursday, we will go to a museum on Friday. As I close my Bible and journal, turn off the light, and pull up the covers, I reminisce some more. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without being homeschooled all my life. I wouldn’t be blessed with the incredible opportunities I have been given, like taking Marine Biology just because it’s interesting, having an amazing relationship with my mom, or experiencing the faith journey I call my own. I look at my life in two chapters: before, and after. Homeschooling, Jesus, and family are the cord of three strands that connect the two. I close my eyes in contentment and fall asleep happily.
