Payments of Gratitude

I homeschool four children, ranging from preschool to middle school. Like most, my children feign starvation in order to escape anything difficult.

“Mom, can we have a snack?”

“Yeah, we’d work so much better if we had a snack.”

“I need the energy to think, mommy.”

So… I got the snacks.

Again.

I held it out to each with a “What do you say?” before releasing each child’s Goldfish to them. I felt a little prick in my spirit. But, like my children’s math in front of them, I promptly ignored it.

A few days later, one of my struggling learners was having difficulty in a reading assignment and was allowing herself to be so distracted that she would forget a word halfway through writing it. In a moment of frustration, my own passive aggression sneaked out with a comment like “I have other things to do, too. Can you please stay focused?” Another prick that I ignored.

Later that week, a different child was having a full-on meltdown that his work needed corrected yet again (it is interesting that the answer being wrong the first time is still wrong when it is handed back in with the same answer). This wasn’t the first time that week; it wasn’t even the first time that day; it wasn’t the first time that subject. I was at the end of my rope and done. Without yelling or screaming, I calmly said “You have no idea how much I sacrifice to be here with you. You have no idea how hard it is to teach you day in and day out. I don’t really expect you to understand. You are a child. But every once in a while, a little gratitude would be nice.” We continued to work and eventually were able to move on, but I could feel the inward tug of the Holy Spirit trying to teach me something.

I was folding laundry later and recounting the day, thinking and praying about what in the world the Lord was trying to teach me. My girls had been playing “store” and I was thinking about their exchanges with monopoly money. I couldn’t figure out why my mind was stuck on this image as I tried to decipher why I felt so stirred. I had meant what I said. I hadn’t been angry or yelling. Why was this all so stuck?

Maybe my kids needed to be instructed more on gratitude. Maybe I was so frustrated because I needed to give them more examples of thankfulness. We are rounding the corner to Thanksgiving after all. This is the perfect time. So, I pulled out my Bible to read Luke 17:11-19 when Jesus cleanses the ten lepers but only one comes back to say thank you. A classic story of thanksgiving and gratitude. My kids need to be better about being the one who comes back to thank Jesus.

Then I read the story. Not what I thought was the story, not my Sunday School teacher/ homeschool mom reading of the story. I read it as it is. (Reader, you should check it out now. Go ahead, I’ll wait.)

This is a story about Jesus. The power of Jesus to radically change the lives of helpless people. The love of Jesus to come close to those who do not deserve it and love them right where they are. The greatness of God to do the impossible task of lifting up the broken and restoring them. These lepers had nothing to offer Jesus, most not even a “thank you”, and yet, Jesus gave to them freely.

There’s a lot about that story that we don’t know. We don’t know how it went for these men after this encounter with Jesus beyond their being cleansed. All we see is how Jesus puts love and mercy on full display.

The still small voice of the Holy Spirit was pushing me to see that my kids did not need to be like the thankful leper; I need to be like the thankful leper. I am hopelessly lost, desperate for the mercy of Christ in my life. I need Him to restore my health, my sanity, my relationships, my holiness. And He does! But I am quick to go about my business, forgetting how utterly lost I would be without Him. Forgetting that without His divine intervention, I would be sad, sick, and alone to my own sinful devices.

I also need to be better at being like Jesus. I should not be doing things for my children in exchange for their gratitude or appreciation. They do not pay me in verbal thanks for snacks, quality time, or their education. My duty to love like Jesus means extending grace and mercy for those that are incapable of appropriate thanks, starting with the snack monsters and struggling learners in front of me.

So, I have begun a journey to gratitude in my own life. It has been long, grueling, tiresome, and exhausting. First, I have been trying to end each day falling asleep in prayers of gratitude, thanking the Lord for all that He has given me, beginning with the work of Jesus on my behalf, and on to include sticky countertops and unfinished worksheets. Second, I have been trying to ask my children what they would like to thank God for today. It has been eye-opening to hear the things for which they are truly grateful. Third, I do not always require them to say “thank you” for every little thing, especially from me. This can get tricky because my younger ones do need instruction on appropriate manners, but this is much more about my own heart than about their politeness.

In the last few weeks, I have been trying to serve my family simply for the sake of worshipping Jesus more. Not for any payment of gratitude or thanksgiving they can offer me, but simply because Jesus has done so much for me. My service to the Lord is not in vain (1 Cor. 15:58), so I can put in long homeschool hours, cook meals that no one appreciates, and clean floors that will only get dirty again, all without a thank you. Why? Because Jesus has done so much for me and so I can also serve the least of these, beginning in my household.