An Open Letter from the Primary Homeschooling Parent

Dear support spouse,

You came home to see me frazzled and asked what had happened. I couldn’t put it into words at this time, but this is what I should have said. A summer of planning and excitement has given way to an autumn of frustration and disappointment. Well-intentioned plans and new textbooks are just not at all that I’d hoped for them to be. You asked how you could help, and in that moment, I didn’t know what to say. But I’m going to try to tell you now, because as I settle in for this season of homeschooling our kids, I really need you.

The first thing I need is for you to ask how I’m doing then just listen. I don’t always need a solution or a fix, but I do always need you to hear me. Offer me consolation even if you can’t change anything. Homeschooling is hard. Days are long and frustrating. The job I do as the teacher of our children is strenuous, but imparting gracious love is just plain exhausting. I’m teaching more than math & English; I spend every waking moment teaching character, morals, and discipline. My days are long, and I need you to be my friend. This might look like a ten-minute coffee break together when you get home or sending me for groceries alone to give me space to regroup, or a date night after the kids are in bed, or sitting with me while the kids are playing, or just letting me use the bathroom uninterrupted. I need to be heard and loved and encouraged to persevere.

Second, I need your help to parent. Homeschooling is not just about academic education; our children are moral agents who are responsible for their responses. We are not just training students; we are discipling young Christians. I need you to take an interest in the content of their work AND the attitude they have toward their work. They need you to be moved by their frustration with math or their defiance against English. And I need you to do something about it. They need your knowledge in places where I am weak, and they need your insight where I have failed to be a good example. This might look like teaching the school subject with which I have difficulty, or being excited to see the details when the kids complete a big test or project, or talking through an ongoing attitude problem, or creative consequences to unacceptable behaviors, or setting time aside for family worship. I need you to be a part of the kids academic, moral, and spiritual education.

Finally, I need your help to keep our lives in order. Yes, I’m home with the kids most of the day, but my days are so filled with teachable moments that it can be hard to also manage our home. Household chores are not forgotten by me but can sometimes be deprioritized by a greater need to care for our children well. So, I need you to find a need and fill it. That might look like moving the load of laundry to the dryer, offering to pick up or make dinner, or helping the children with their chores, or doing dishes, or tidying up a mess you didn’t make. I need your help to care for our home.

I know I can get overwhelmed and frustrated, even angry in the midst of schooling. I know you want to help, and I don’t always know how to communicate my needs well. But I hope you know that I count it an honor and a blessing to be able to love our children in this way. I appreciate all that you sacrifice to make this happen and I don’t take this responsibility lightly. I need your help to do this well and I’m so thankful to God for the partner I have in you.

Sincerely,

Your tired homeschooling spouse